One of the things I’ve learned, both in life and in the counselling room, is that when people are overwhelmed, choice can feel like a burden rather than a gift. Clients often arrive feeling stuck in their lives, their work, or their relationships, carrying a sense that something isn’t right but without the emotional capacity to work out what to do next. They may know they are unhappy, exhausted, or disconnected, yet the idea of “making a decision” feels paralysing. In those moments, complexity rarely helps. What helps is clarity, simplicity, and a way of restoring a sense of agency.
There’s a children’s television show many Australians grew up with that captures this beautifully. In Playschool, the presenters would look out at the world through one of three windows: a round window, a square window, or an arched window. Each episode involved choosing a window and seeing what lay beyond it. There was no right or wrong window. Each was simply a different way of engaging with what was already there. In therapy, I often borrow this metaphor and invite clients to imagine standing in front of those same three windows as they look at a situation in their life.
The round window represents staying exactly where you are and making no change. This is the status quo. For some clients, this option is confronting because they feel they “should” be doing something. Yet staying is still a choice. When we name it as such, it can reduce shame and self-criticism. Sometimes staying is about survival. Sometimes it’s about conserving energy. Sometimes it’s about recognising that now is not the moment to act. Choosing the round window does not mean doing nothing forever; it simply means acknowledging that, right now, you are not changing the situation. That acknowledgement alone can be surprisingly grounding.
The square window represents staying in the situation but changing how you meet it, and this is often where some of the most meaningful therapeutic work takes place. The focus here is not on changing other people or fixing the external environment, but on learning to pause long enough to notice what is happening internally in the moment. Many clients begin to see that they are not consciously choosing how they act, but reacting automatically, shaped by long-held patterns, protective strategies, and a nervous system that has learned to stay alert. Through the square window, the work becomes about slowing the moment down enough to notice thoughts as thoughts, emotions as emotions, and the body’s signals as information rather than instructions.
Tightness in the chest, a clenched jaw, shallow breathing, or a racing heart often signal that a reaction is forming. When these signals are recognised early, capacity begins to grow. With greater capacity comes space, and within that space sits choice. Clients discover that they can choose to respond rather than react, even when the situation itself does not change. They may still feel uncomfortable, disappointed, or challenged, but they are no longer being driven solely by impulse or habit. While they cannot control others, they can choose how they regulate themselves, how they communicate, and how closely their actions align with their values. Over time, this shift often changes the client’s experience of the situation in profound ways, even when the external circumstances remain the same.
The arched window represents leaving. Leaving a job, a role, a relationship, or a situation that no longer aligns with who the person is or what they need. This window often carries the most fear. Many clients immediately jump into future-focused thinking when they consider it: what about money, what about the children, what if I regret it, what if I can’t cope later on. This kind of thinking is understandable, particularly for people who are conscientious and risk-aware, but it can also be paralysing. Clients try to solve every possible future problem before taking a single step, and in doing so convince themselves they have no choice at all. The arched window does not require a detailed long-term plan. It simply represents the option of not staying. Whether or not someone chooses it, naming it as a legitimate option can restore a sense of honesty and freedom.
What I’ve found clinically is that many clients do not lack insight or intelligence. They lack capacity. When someone is emotionally overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or burned out, the brain’s ability to tolerate uncertainty and make decisions narrows. In these states, asking someone to analyse every variable of their life can increase distress rather than reduce it. By simplifying choice into three clear options, the nervous system can settle enough for reflection to begin. The windows become a starting point, not a final answer.
This approach also gently disrupts the belief that there must be a single “right” choice. Instead, it frames choice as something that can evolve over time. A client might choose the round window now, the square window later, and the arched window further down the track. Therapy is not about pushing people toward change before they are ready. It is about helping them recognise that they are allowed to choose, and that choosing does not have to be permanent or perfect.
In relationships, this might mean choosing how much emotional labour to carry. In work, it might mean choosing how much responsibility is reasonable or how clearly boundaries are communicated. In life more broadly, it can mean choosing compassion over self-criticism. The Playschool windows metaphor resonates because it is simple, visual, and non-judgmental. It meets people where they are, especially those who feel overwhelmed by trying to think too far ahead. Rather than asking, “What should I do with my whole life?”, the question becomes, “Which window am I standing in right now?” That shift alone is often enough to help someone reclaim agency and take their next steady step.
References
Harris, R. (2007). Introductory acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) workshop handout: Approaches to any problematic situation [Workshop handout]. ACTMindfully, Australia. https://thehappinestrap.com
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.
Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs, 80(1).
Borkovec, T. D., Alcaine, O. M., & Behar, E. (2004). Avoidance theory of worry and generalized anxiety disorder. In R. G. Heimberg et al. (Eds.), Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Advances in Research and Practice. Guilford Press.
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. W. W. Norton & Company.